i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The air taste purple.
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