Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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