oh god the rape fog is back!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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