I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
