He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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