im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
