It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
