I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
