How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
