a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
