He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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