How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
