So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
