I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
