I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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