I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
