I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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