She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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