Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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