The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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