I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
