Can i not drive my cunt home
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
