you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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