Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
