My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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