Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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