Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
