the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
