Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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