I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize