Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
