Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
