Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
