Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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