If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
