It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
