Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
