Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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