SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
