When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
