i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize