a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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