can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
