I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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