Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
