got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
