I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
