she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
