I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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