Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
