well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
