My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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