Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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