Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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