he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
