the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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