weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
