just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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