ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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