He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
