508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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