girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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