Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
