I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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