dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Success! We fucked roommates!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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