My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
