if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
