When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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