My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
